My daughters…

I wrote the following years ago, May 14, 2006 to be specific.   This blog was intensively personal to me when I first wrote it, my heart and love for these exceptional women exposed for everyone to see.  So many things have changed since then.  I went through a divorce that changed my soul forever.  It not only affected me but my relationship with many of my immediate family, namely my daughters and nieces.  It’s something that we haven’t spoken of and it’s time to do that.  Here is not the place to do that but I’m reaching out, letting you know that I’m ready and needing to.

Since then, I found love again.  It was a gift that I wasn’t expecting.  Didn’t really think I was going to be lucky enough to find it, much less have it returned.  This gift included two new daughters that I deeply love.  I think it’s definitely time to update this blog…

I can’t help but be so proud of my daughters and daughter in-laws. I find these women to be fascinating, spirited, loving. All the wonderful things that I dreamed my daughters would be.

Crystal – my baby girl.   My life, my light and my love. She is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. She glows, she shines, she makes me laugh. Her generous spirit, her outrageous sense of humor, brings me to my knees. Her fire and zest for life surpasses the normal person. It’s a sight to behold. I can’t begin to describe the emotions she makes me feel. It was my destiny to be her mother. Her destiny to be the wonderful daughter that she is. I am blessed.  Almost six years later, you still continue to amaze me.  You’re a mother now, giving me two beautiful grandbabies.  You are an amazing mother, so loving and gentle.  Teaching Micah and Emerson what they need to know while having fun with them impresses me beyond belief.  You don’t get so caught up with the daily grind that you forget to enjoy them.   I’m still so proud of you.

Nikki – the daughter I didn’t know I had. The best surprise of all. Her strength and courage inspire me. Her love has no limits and no boundaries. She took me in her life without question when she didn’t have to, and I’ll always be thankful. She has had some tough times but hasn’t let them stop her from living life to the fullest. I wish that I had known her from the start.   Nikki, I still love you so much.  There are so many things that I want to say, to explain the last six years.   While this isn’t the place for that conversation, please know that I think of you and the girls on a daily basis.  I regret not being a part of your life like I used to be but I was/am not sure of what my role should be.  I do know that I would like the opportunity to explain my actions if you are willing to listen.  This weighs heavily on my heart and I feel the need to tell you just how much I do miss you and the girls.  I follow you and the girls on Facebook but want so much more than that. 

Jennifer – I thank my son everyday for bringing her into my life. To watch her in everyday life is amazing. Her loving nature engulfs every person she meets. She is kind, smart, and generous without being aware of it. It’s her nature and it’s real. Her capacity for loving knows no bounds. She is magnificent. My other daughter.   My Jenn…  you make me so proud.  You are such an amazing woman, daughter in law and mother.  I’m so thankful of you and the way you take care of my son and granddaughters.  You have stayed the same over the years, and just like a bottle of wine, you have done nothing but get better with age.

Katrina – again, I thank my oldest son for bringing her into my life. Her gentle soul calms, her protectiveness strong. To look into her eyes, her wisdom shines. Her acceptance of her new family and the love she brings us astonishes me. Her embrace is felt physically and mentally. She can take on the world with one hand and never miss a beat with the second. Not a daughter in law, but a daughter.   Katrina, I will tell you the exact  same thing as I did with Nikki.  I miss you terribly and think of you and the kids on a daily basis.  I pray that we will get back to the place we used to be.   I hope you know that I love you deeply and will always consider you as one of my daughters.

To these four women in my life, I celebrate you. And give thanks everyday that I am lucky enough to know you and fortunate to have your love. I will never take you for granted. I will never assume that you know I love you, I will tell you every chance I get. Know that you hold my heart in your hands.

Loving you until the end of time…

Mama

Ashly – my oldest step-daughter that doesn’t feel “step”.  You have enriched my life so much with your love and respect.  I admire, so much,  you and your determination to become the best you can be.  Your quest for knowledge is endless and quite impressive to see.  Your capacity for understanding and compassion is growing daily, as is your wisdom.  The love you have for your family is amazing and so evident to all.  The protectiveness that you have for them is comforting, they know they can depend on you without question.  I’m so proud to have those same qualities offered to me.  Simply said, I love you…

Lauren – my new baby.  Do you have any idea just how precious you are?  Your quirkiness, your idealism, your artistic abilities, are a true delight.  Your sense of humor is so cool and in some ways, it’s like we are blood relatives in the way we can think alike.  Like Ashly, your love, loyalty and devotion to your family and friends never wavers but stands strong no matter what storm hits you.  You have given me a new perspective on the world we live in today and I feel very fortunate that you have let me into yours.  I understand you more than you think.  And again, simply said, I love you…

These are my daughters… six amazing women that I’m so fortunate to know.  They enrich my life and make me strive to be the best I can just so they will be proud of me.  I have made mistakes just as any mother does but these women accept and forgive those stumbles and love me just the same.  I know that I can depend on them without question, just as they know the same about me.  The warmth of their love envelopes me and I’m truly and endlessly grateful for it.  I am blessed…

Please leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts.  I’d also love it if you subscribe… lot’s of good stuff coming up!

Be happy…

Steffanie

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