As in startlingly bright, illuminated, enlightened and inspiring, glowing, shining, brilliant, incandescent, radiant, gleaming, shimmering, resplendent. While this might not make sense to you… this is how I need to live my life. To have this purity of light burning in my soul. This is how I see a child, the innocence, the purity, the shining of their eyes. We all had this at one time and sadly we lose it, quickly, before we realize it. Looking inward, I have to find this again. Are the dreams of light, love and happiness within me and within reach? Is this attainable, this state of mind and heart? Yes, if you want it bad enough.
I’ve been reading numerous articles on happiness, motivational pieces directing to a path of calmness and peace. Happiness is a state of mind, a cultivated state of being. How many ways can it be explained? Apparently there are hundreds of ways. Religious, spiritual, whatever you want to call it, each of us have the answer within. Each of us has the responsibility to ourselves to find this truth and live it, own it. I feel strongly that that’s the reason we are here on this Earth, for without this truth, we aren’t living, we are just surviving day-to-day. That’s not good enough for me and it shouldn’t be for you either. My truth is love, the connection with the people I chose to have in my life. Without this, life has no meaning, with it, my soul sings.
I thought I had lost this light, the light that makes my soul shine with the luminosity of a thousand suns. It suddenly came to me this morning, it’s been there all along. I feel it when I think of my loved ones, my children and grandchildren, my stepchildren, my entire family and special friends. It’s the love I have for them and the love they have for me. I blocked this off for a time, closed my heart and couldn’t feel the warmth of it. I have reached the lowest point of my life and have survived. The flame flickered, burned low, almost extinguished. I know now there isn’t anything life can throw at me that will completely put the flame out. I still have my daily struggles that put me on my knees. But while I’m there, prayers of guidance will lead me back. So go ahead, give it your best shot to put me down, try to douse my light. It will not happen.
I have two lists, jokingly called “My Wall of Truth” hung on my fridge, my lists of “Goals for the Day” and “Always Remember This”. Truth be known, they are pathetic and depressing. Negative instead of positive. I have now replaced them with a new prayer list. Just by the simple act of putting my requests on paper, I felt my light growing stronger. So now, when walking past, I look, read and pray for serenity and I feel it creeping back into my soul. I pray daily for the continued good health and happiness for my family, the guidance to independence and strength to reach it, for forgiveness and acceptance of what I can not change, for ways that I can give happiness to the ones I love, and most of all, for love to fill my heart and soul. With this, my soul is luminous.
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