Update your fairy tale

1 Corinthians 13:13

Image by Eric M Martin via Flickr

Fairy tales…  happy endings of walking hand in hand into the sunset, living happily ever after.  The books of my childhood spoke of such true romantic loveCinderella, Snow White and many more.  While that was a pleasant dream for a child, it’s not the reality of an adult in this day and age.  Back in the day, there was a horrible stigma of being divorced.  A divorcee was talked of as a loose woman, fingers pointed in hateful criticism.  Then times changed, couples started living together without the committment of marriage.  Explanations were given in the form of a piece of paper was just a piece of paper.  Marriage seemed to be unpopular for a decade or so then, the tide turned.  Marriage was back in style.  Couples were starting to believe again in the committment that piece of paper represented.

I still believe in the fairy tale, the happily ever after.  That being said, I’ve been married three times.  And I still believe.  I lived with each of my spouses before marriage.  And I truly didn’t feel the 100% committment until those vows were said.  It wasn’t until the last time I recited those vows that I truly understood and believed in them.  Maybe because I finally found my fairy tale, my very own happily ever after.

I, Phillip, take thee, Steffanie,  to my lawful wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God‘s holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.

I, Steffanie, take thee, Phillip, to my lawful wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.

We then had 1 Corinthians 13 read.

Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast.  It is not proud, it is not rude, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, alway perseveres.  Love never fails.  And now these three remain; faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love.

Right now my fairy tale is in question.  I don’t know how it’s going to end.  But like we always said to each other, this is our third time around and we know what it takes to make it work.  Maybe we do; maybe we don’t, time will tell.  There has been a lot of joy in my marriage, a lot of pain also.   And I’ve finally realized that I have to revise my definition of a fairy tale.  For me its being with a partner that loves and respects me every minute of the day.  I’m not saying that I want or need his attention every second of the day, just consistency.  I need the little romantic things occasionally, not the dozen red roses but a single daisy.  I need the action to back up the words.  I need thoughtfulness and consideration.  I need an equal give and take.  And these are the things that I willingly and gladly give back.

A fairy tale isn’t realistic.  True love ebbs and flows like the sea.  True love takes hard work and determination to see it through.  You need your feet planted firmly on the ground, not floating on thin air.  Marriage needs strong roots, a foundation to grow from, not clouds that will slip through your fingers.  I know of young couples that think just because they are in love, that’s all it takes.  It’s their fairy tale.  I want to shake these kids and tell them that the fairy tale as they know it, doesn’t exist.  Marriage is not a dream.  It’s the hard work, the milestones, the history, the faith, the teamwork, the good old blood, sweat and tears that make up my fairy tale.  I know that’s the fairy tale for me because it’s real.

What about you?  Do you have a fairy tale.  Is it the dreamy kind or is it real?  Have you had it and lost it?  Are you still looking for it?

While you are thinking about that, I’m sending you much love and all my wishes for true love and happiness.


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5 Responses to Update your fairy tale

  1. Rex Ryan says:

    I discovered your blog site on google and check a few of your early posts. Continue to keep up the very good operate. I just additional up your RSS feed to my MSN News Reader. Seeking forward to reading more from you later on!…

  2. Stella Moon says:

    by the way…your writing “another chapter” doesn’t have a like button or a comment box…

    yes, write. Write to your hearts content. You have much to say where others only wish they could. 😉

    • Steffanie says:

      I’m sorry about the comment box on “Another Chapter”. I’ve had some comments on it but it must have gotten corrupted along the way. I’ve started several more posts but am very hesitant to hit the publish button. I want so much to write what I feel but I can’t. Scared for others to see that far inside. Yes, I’m a coward. I know I can help others but not at the expense of my own comfort. Rather selfish huh? I’ll have to work on that.

      Much love Stella,


  3. Stella Moon says:

    We are so much alike. Unbelievable. All I want is that daisy as well. Or even a dandelion. I have been married more than you…I have a story behind each…a different part of my life if you will… excuses and desperation for acceptance…a family and love. I have been a fool and my ‘incubator and sperm doner’ taught me nothing when they should have taught me about commitment. My last marriage was 10 years. In this one I’m trying not to give up. It can’t be possible to chose that many lemons? Or can it? ….This one is different…this marriage…hard to explain…but…different. And I’m tired of ‘moving on’…was tired when I met the last. Again, 10 years..
    A fairy tale? They are written for a reason…because they are just not real.

    • Steffanie says:

      Stella… good to hear from you. You are right, we are very much alike. And it feels so good to know that I’m not the only one that’s on this journey filled with twists and turns, roadblocks and potholes. Do you have someone you can lean on for support when times get tough? Or are you like me, very hesitant to tell anyone the truth about how you feel and the “state of the union”? I truly understand the “tired”. It’s like your body and your soul are two different ages. I have a place, deep inside. that I can retreat to when it all gets to be too much. I hope you can find your place. Decorate it with every wonderful and delightful thing you can find. Fill it with light and love, hope and wonder, and it will comfort you in times of need. I hope that I don’t sound too far out there, I sometimes have a difficult time explaining myself without sounding like I’m ready for a straightjacket.

      Stella, I’ve found that you can’t tell your heart who to love. I’m keeping you in my thoughts and am sending tons of love and hope your way. Reach out and catch it.


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