I read a blog today about ten signs of a good relationship. It really blew me away on several levels as I agreed with some points and questioned several others. Everyone has their own definition of a great relationship. Mine would be different from yours and then could be spot on with the next person. It’s all a matter of perception. What’s constitutes good for me might not be all that important for you.
For me, a good, solid relationship is built on the following. Here are my thoughts…
Love – Goes without saying that this is the basis of an enduring relationship. This love feels good, it doesn’t hurt. It’s filled with positivity and security. You only want the best for your partner and your relationship is your priority. You always treat your partner in a loving way, every day, non-stop. Love is the glue that holds it all together when cracks appear and will continue to hold until the cracks are mended.
Respect – You don’t badmouth and bash your partner. And you don’t tolerate anyone else doing it either. You have their back at all costs. You always treat your partner with the utmost respect with words and actions. This is the person that you love, that loves you and this is what you both deserve. Make sure that your words and actions are tempered with respect for both your partner and yourself at all times.
Trust – Along with love, trust is the cornerstone of all relationships. Always be honest and forthright in your communications. Hiding actions, keeping secrets and not being truthful will destroy trust and could possibly destroy your relationship. Once you make a decision to be deceitful, you have started down the path to mistrust and have no one to blame in the end but yourself. I think that trust can be rebuilt through open communication, positive action and hard work. The concept of always being honest no matter the cost or the pain it inflicts is, in some ways, used to be cruel. Always temper your communication with trust, compassion and respect. Anything less will chip away at the trust between two people.
Communication – You have to communicate openly, honestly and frequently. You have to fight fair, no name calling, no screaming, no abuse and no violence. You must do anything and everything to ensure that your partner’s and your own dignity is intact. You do not exaggerate, you stick to the subject, you don’t drag up past issues, you don’t attack family members and you do everything you can to resolve the issue at hand. You don’t keep score and you don’t belittle or insult.
Acceptance – You fell in love with this person as they were when you met them. They aren’t perfect, they have flaws. Don’t be so arrogant as to think you can change them, you can’t and you shouldn’t want to. You accept the difference and appreciate the variety they bring to your life. Accept the fact that your partner is an individual and not a mirror of yourself. Accept the fact that they are not perfect and never will be.
Consideration – In a perfect world, a person would consider their partner at all times when making a decision. A decision would be based on the good of the couple, made selflessly and jointly. One would consider their partners feelings and how the decision will affect the couple. You care about your partner and their feelings and you make sure they know that you care. Your emotional support needs to be seen and felt.
Tolerance – No one is perfect, everyone has faults and flaws. No two people think alike. No two opinions are the same. An individual has the right to their own opinion and has the right to state it but no one has the right to tell another that they can’t or punish them for doing so. Just because your opinions differ doesn’t mean that one is wrong and the other is right. It’s just a difference of opinions. Be tolerant, be open to listening, be open to learning and growing. Perfection is not a word to be applied to a human being because it just isn’t possible.
Compassion – You should alway be compassionate in all thoughts, words and actions towards your partner. Be gentle, loving and empathetic. Consider your partners feelings and never be cruel. Be there for them on every level. Listen, really listen to them. Sometimes listening has to be learned. Take yourself out of the equation when listening, don’t think about yourself when your partner is talking. This is about them, not you. Focus on their feelings. It’s not easy to do sometimes but it’s what listening is all about.
Loyalty – A relationship is built on many levels, but loyalty is one that some people don’t even think about. Standing beside your partner, being strong when they are weak, holding them up when they can’t stand is a major part of being loyal. You do everything possible to show your partner that you are loyal and they can count on you at all times.
Security – I’m not talking about financial security, but the security of knowing that you are loved at all times. That yes, things might get hard, that love ebbs and flows, that you might get mad, that issues sometimes are aren’t solved immediately, but you know that through it all, your partner will be there. It’s knowing that you can depend on them through thick and thin. Its sticking and weathering the storm together.
Its my perception that this is the way I am. That this is how I strive to behave in a relationship. And this is what I need from my partner. That my partner and our relationship is always a priority. It’s my perception that I treat my partner with love, respect, trust, open communication, acceptance, consideration, tolerance, compassion, loyalty and security. I’m not saying that I’m perfect and that I don’t have faults and flaws. I don’t always act and react as I should and like everyone else, I regret it afterwards. At times when pushed beyond my limits, I can say things I regret. This is something new for me and I vow to have better control if the situation arises again.
A relationship is a journey, filled with growth and change. People change for many reasons, it could be through personal growth, reactions to the treatment of their partner, outside influences and many other reasons. I have always believed that there isn’t a problem that can’t be resolved. It might not happen overnight and it can take a lot of hard work but if the love and determination to do it is there, there will be a resolution.
It my perception that our society has made it too easy to walk away. Call me stubborn but I think most things are worth fighting for. And a good relationship is one of them.
Having a very thoughtful day and hoping that I am still learning and will never stop growing…