Oh… did I offend you?

Don’t know what’s gotten into me this evening but I’m feeling pretty sarcastic.  So my dear reading audience, I’m going to unload and have some fun…

To the drama queens/kings I know, have you ever thought about this?  The amount of times that you say you hate drama is directly proportional to the amount of times you actually create it.

Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power.

Everything happens for a reason but sometimes the reason is that you’re stupid and you make bad decisions.

I’m not saying let’s go kill all the stupid people… I’m just saying let’s remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.

If  you don’t want to talk about it, don’t post vague status updates on Facebook fishing for people to ask you what’s wrong.

Ladies, there’s a fine line between wearing make-up and looking like a Crayola gang banged your face.

You texted him, he doesn’t text back.   He was obviously so excited that you texted him that he fainted.

Everyone was thinking it.  I just said it.

If you’re so happy with your life, why are you so worried about mine?

An apple a day away will keep anyone away if thrown hard enough.

Grammar:  Knowing the difference between knowing your crap and knowing you’re crap.

Respect old people, they graduated high school without Google or Wikipedia.

You don’t need bigger boobs.  You need to read better books.

Words of wisdom from one woman to another… You are only helpless while your nail polish is wet.  Even then you could pull a trigger if you had to.

The speed in which a woman say “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong?” is inversely proportional to the severity of the coming storm.

May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.

The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.

 BEFORE.  B-e-f-o-r-e.  Not B4.  We speak English, not bingo.

Oops… did I just roll my eyes out loud?

Thanks!  I feel much better now.

Steffanie